highway revisited

Today, the 300 miles between my girlfriend and I feel as heavy as the asphalt used to travel them.

Today, these 300 miles are as overwhelming as the hours used to fulfill them.

A round trip equivalent to a day of work that we can't seem to get out of.

A visit four times a month, if I'm lucky.

A visit a day at a time with weeks in between.

And everything is in numbers.

Miles, hours, day, weeks, months.

And how is that when we are together numbers don't exist?

And how am I supposed to adjust back to reality?

And the reality is just that - this is it.

That all of these numbers aren't changing anytime soon.

But I don't feel things in numbers.

I feel things in galaxies.

I feel everything, all at once, with everything that I have.

And I love her.
I love her in galaxies.

four walls and adobe slats.

I moved into my apartment at the end on January 31st of this year. 

This apartment has been a fucking disaster from the first day. The building was in an awful state compared to when I went to look at it. My A/C and heater didn't work, I didn't have any gas, therefore no hot water, and my landlord and maintenance man were almost useless. I couldn't live in my apartment until the end of February. Once I moved in, the other problems became apparent. The apartment hadn't been cleaned and the previous tenants were filthy. Lights were broken, windows didn't have screens, I can hear EVERYTHING from my neighbors below, the back stairs are unsafe, etc etc. My A/C wasn't even fixed until it started getting hotter back in March. Now, I hear mice in the walls, or something, and I've talked to my landlord and I'm moving out, after four months. I'll be leaving in July, I'd be leaving regardless, but an opportunity to live with my dear, dear friend, Shella has come up, and it couldn't be more perfect.

Despite all of these problems and this fucking death house apartment, there is something about this place that I will always hold so close to me. I want to spend my last months documenting myself in this place. Before I moved into this apartment, I was in an awful state, within myself. So the shitty place actually allowed me to get in a better place mentally and emotionally. The best place. And, I have this shithole to thank for it. Granted, this apartment has some charming qualities, once you look past all of the dirt and cracks and smells and sounds.

I was in an unhealthy relationship for 3 years. 3 years that peaked when we met and gradually went downhill until we were both at rock bottom, me more so than her. There were ups and downs, but the ups were downs, and there were never really ups anyway. It's so strange, the situations you put yourself into, making things your "reality", so much so that it seems like there can be nothing else when everything is always right there at your fingertips, you just have to make that small move, and then everything comes crashing in waves, and nothing is the same at all, everything, every single thing is different, but this core of you, this core of you that is always there even when absolutely nothing is the same.

I forgot about the core of me. I forgot about me in general. And it showed. Getting out of that relationship, moving into this fucking place, living on my own, just me and my dog, surrounded by my own things, being alone, I will always love this fucking apartment. I will always love it. I will always remember it.

I haven't felt this good since the summer of 2007, the summer when all felt right, when I felt fucking right, when I had this family of friends and genuine happiness.

Getting into my new place, within, allowed me to open back up all these friendship I pushed away because of my last relationship. Everything that I pushed away, I even pushed myself away. I got it all back, plus, in this apartment. Getting into a healthy state, a happy state, also allowed me to meet Katheryn, and I will forever be eternally grateful for that. She has changed my life, my mindset, my view on the world in more ways that I have ever imagined anyone doing so.

This apartment birthed our relationship, the first time we slept in the same bed, the first time we made love, where she asked me to be hers. This apartment is sacred, and I will always love this piece of shit.

Here's to even more changes, constant beginnings.

cool kids belong together.

Katheryn came to see me this weekend.

Yesterday she asked me to be her girlfriend.

What a dream.


___________________________________________________________________

Last night Katheryn made dinner.
Vegetarian tacos, and they were glorious. We ate them to Amelie.
After dinner we cuddled and stared at each other, told each other stories, laughed, giggled, made fun of each other. She started to ask me something about coming to see her in Houston and stopped herself. She started blushing and I could feel the heat from her cheeks. After about 20 minutes she asked me,
"When you come to Houston and you meet my friends, and Daria, can I introduce you as my girlfriend?"
Yes, yes you can.

It was the cutest, most perfect moment.

I said, "so you're my girlfriend?" and we both smiled, and I felt like the happiest woman on the planet. Then we shotgunned Shiner's in my kitchen, and basically, Katheryn is my match.

I can't wait for this new life, where everything feels like a dream.

Well, well, well. Hasn't it been a hot minute since my poor canon has seen the lights of day.

To be precise, it has been since 2013 that I have taken any self portraits, or even photographs on my canon at all. Luckily, I haven't been completely useless and have still been venturing around with my Polaroid or Instax, or sometimes both, hanging from my shoulder. My iphone has been a trusty substitute.

Honestly, my life has been moving at a hyper-speed that I'm not quite used to. It all began with stretching my social butterfly wings as I had been locked away, avoiding friends to avoid conflict, to avoid anything, I guess. This whole new lease on life, unleashed on me and I have been quite frivolous and probably a little too social for anyone's good, especially mine, but I won't take back anything at all, because it has been magic and brought back this thirst for life, and led me to meet my muse, Katheryn.

Her face will be gracing this blog soon, I'm sure. However, not as often as I'd like as she and I are getting ourselves into one those long distance romances. Which, considering our sentiment and intellect find this rather romantic, for now. I can't wait to send her cute things in the real mail, and anticipate the days leading up to her receiving packages because life is all about instant gratification these days, and we forget what its like to wait on a package, to wait for a sweet reaction from a beautiful girl, to wait to see your significant other, the yearning, the build up, it's all so much magic.

So, here is to me, being back to me. To this beautiful self that was lost for a while, but is back, and motivated and ready to keep improving and constantly striving to better myself, and to this life with this new light.

Pictures taken with my Canon EOS Digital Rebel 350D, on the balcony of my apartment I'm learning to love.